African Fathers have a very extensive vocabulary, and in it,
You can find a variety of words and phrases.
Which can be divided into 30% Disappointment phrases, 25% Anger-based communication, 20% Financial warnings, 15% Random shouting and 10% Unsolicited life advice.
But among all of these,
There’s one phrase that you will NEVER see,
And that’s the phrase; “I love you”
But there are reasons for that;
- THEY BELIEVE “I LOVE YOU” IS A WESTERN CONSPIRACY
To an African father, saying “I love you” is how it all begins.
Next thing you know, you’re having open conversations, expressing emotions, and God forbid… crying in front of your child. That’s not love; that’s how the West infiltrates the home.
- THEY ALREADY PAID YOUR SCHOOL FEES. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?
Love was how much your father spent to make sure you’re not illiterate.
Don’t ever ask for “I love you” when he’s still recovering from the trauma of buying “Foundation of Mathematics” and “New School Physics”.
And let’s not talk about the university fees and textbooks.
- THEIR OWN FATHERS NEVER SAID IT, AND THEY TURNED OUT GREAT (QUESTIONABLE)
It’s generational trauma dressed up as tradition.
To the average African father, if it’s not strictly necessary, it’s unnecessary.
And since his father never said “I love you” and he still survived, even became what he calls a “well-adjusted” adult, why should he suddenly break the cycle for you?
Emotions are nice, sure… but were they on the list of things that helped him survive the 70s?…
Exactly.
- THEY THINK SAYING “I LOVE YOU” WILL INCREASE BILLINGS
They barely say it now and look at how much money they’re spending.
Imagine if they drew you in closer with declarations of love.
You’d kill them before their time!
The more comfortable with him you are, the greater your courage to ask for money.
Not saying I love you is a strategic way to keep billings minimal.
As an African proverb says:
“An ant cannot be greedy with the honey that’s in a jar.”
Or something like that.
- HE ALREADY TOLD MUM TO TELL YOU
In the African household, your mother handles all emotional logistics. She’s the Department of Love, Care, and Random Hugs.
Your dad? He runs the Ministry of Fear, Finance, and Occasional Advice.
“I love you” is not part of his delegated duties.