KIGALI, RWANDA — Determined to become the Switzerland of Africa by any means necessary, the Rwandan government has passed a new law that rewards citizens with 50% of any corruption money they help recover.
Officials said it wasn’t right for the government to always be the ones fighting corruption for the citizens, and sought to shift corruption-fighting responsibilities onto the citizens’ necks too. And get them handsomely rewarded for it, if possible.
“We would very much like to exterminate corruption from this country, but with your help,” said MP Chris Obore. “If you can hack ’em, shoot, or torture, you do your thing — just help us recover all stolen government funds, and we’ll reward you for your efforts… handsomely.”
The law, which is projected to make Rwanda the only nation in Africa completely free of corruption, has now been codified. It is expected to turn every citizen into a part-time investigator, bounty hunter, and spiritual medium, anything to recover stolen loot.
“It’s like the thieves placed a bounty on their own loot,” added one Kigali resident. “Who am I to judge? I just need to recover one stolen fund and I’ll die rich.”
Sources say that beyond the citizens of Rwanda, bounty hunters, cowboys, and mercenaries from across the world have been invited to Visit Rwanda — not for tourism, but to get a piece of the corruption pie. Entry is free, and anyone who manages to recover looted funds can legally keep half.
“We’re focused on exterminating corruption, even if it involves exterminating a few officials’ lives,” said one government insider. “As long as Rwanda is better for it, it’s a small price to pay.”
In unrelated news, terrorists have also been invited to participate in finding Rwandan loot… and bring the whole party.