ADDIS ABABA, ETHIOPIA — African leaders gathered this week in the Ethiopian capital to launch a joint lawsuit against TikTok, accusing the platform of distracting youth from their national duty of enduring hardship in silence.
Speaking at the AU Summit, Rwandan President Paul Kagame didn’t mince words. “TikTok is a terrorist rewiring tool. Because of it, no youth wants to live in blackout anymore. They see others enjoying 24/7 light and start demanding things—like dignity. It’s giving them ideas. Dangerous ones. Like hope.”
Kagame warned that if TikTok isn’t stopped, the continent may face an unthinkable crisis: citizens waking up. “Corruption won’t survive this level of exposure. We must ban it before we lose control.”
Several leaders expressed support. South Africa’s Cyril Ramaphosa reportedly declared a nationwide ban mid-conference. Others, like Paul Biya and Yoweri Museveni, promised similar action once they return—pending a nap.
In Nigeria, President Tinubu voiced his agreement. “TikTok is frying people’s brains. Now they can’t think without someone on social media telling them how. I stand for the ban with my full chest.”
In unrelated news, the African Union unveiled its alternative: TikTak — a pan-African social app where youth can scroll through inspirational quotes from dictators, perform safe dance challenges like “The Budget Disappeared,” and win airtime by praising their local councillor. The app closes automatically after 15 seconds of joy.