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Kenyan Startup Promises 2-Year Delivery Guarantee

Man delivering packages
NAIROBI, KENYA — A revolutionary new Kenyan delivery app promises to get your package to you in just under two years, blazing past local expectations.
The app, Polepole — Swahili for “slowly” — offers lightning-fast delivery in 24 months or less, or your money back, possibly in even more months.
“Logistics in Kenya is already messy,” said founder Johnson Ngare at the app’s launch. “Packages never make it, or worse… people think they will. We’re ending that cycle of false hope by promising delivery in just under 24 months. If we don’t meet that high standard of efficiency, we’ll refund your money. Eventually.”
The tech community has hailed Polepole as a “realistic disruptor.” “With Boda or Matatu, you’re never sure if your package will arrive or end up as someone’s seat cushion,” said Morris Mbesa of Numeral IOT. “All you ever get is ‘Mteja hapatikani,’ now, with Polepole, you get something better: a solid promise of eventual regret.”
The United Nations has praised the startup’s “radical transparency,” awarding it a $100,000 innovation grant for openly admitting what other African logistics companies deny: that your package is trapped in a delivery van that broke down last year.
In unrelated news, Ngare announced a sister app that helps Kenyans realign time itself by compressing 24 months into one emotionally short hour. “If delivery can’t be faster,” he said, “we can at least feel like it is.”
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