INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION — Orbiting above the world’s biggest blackout zone, NASA scientists have confirmed that the Nigerian Electricity Distribution Company (NEPA) has become the world’s top producer of premium darkness.
According to NASA, the blackout emanating from Nigeria is now visible from space as a massive cosmic phenomenon dubbed “The Great Nigerian Void.” This black hole-grade darkness rivals actual black holes in intensity. “Not long ago, a black hole tore apart a star,” said NASA Program Manager Dana Weigel. “Our research shows a similar event happening in Nigeria, where relentless blackouts have created a darkness so vast we’re calling it the Great Nigerian Void. We warn global leaders to stay vigilant before this darkness engulfs the world,” she added.
Scientists worry that waves of the blackout from Nigeria’s stellar blackout might spread and snuff out other countries’ lights too. “If unchecked, this void could plunge Nigeria, its neighbors, and eventually the entire globe into unprecedented darkness,” cautioned Acting Director Robyn Gatens.
Across Africa, citizens are stockpiling candles and praying for power. Currently, world leaders are scrambling to send emergency funds to prevent a new Dark Age caused entirely by this Nigerian black hole. “If we save Nigeria from blackouts, we save the world from eternal darkness,” said the Acting UN Secretary-General.
In response, NEPA officials proudly announced plans to expand the Great Nigerian Void, calling it “our contribution to global energy conservation.” “We’re proud to lead the world in energy conservation,” said a NEPA spokesperson. “Darkness is the future, and we plan to keep the lights off until further notice.”