If you love your wallet and dignity, here are 6 dangerous mistakes you must avoid any time you arrive at Lagos Airport.
Welcome to Murtala Muhammed International Airport where your flight isn’t the only thing trying to takeoff. Your cash, self-respect and sometimes your sanity are also at risk.
Here’s your survival guide through the second busiest airport in the world.
1. Responding to anything for the boys with actual money
Ah yes, the airport’s unofficial national anthem. From the security checkpoint to the restroom door, officials will casually say, “anything for the boys?” Don’t fall for it. Once you give N2000 for water, you become a walking ATM. Next thing, even the guy sweeping the terminal will ask for a processing fee. Fake a smile, pretend you don’t understand English, or say you don’t move with cash.
2. Bringing excess luggage without excess bribe
If your bag is just 0.1 kg above the limit, prepare for a long motivational speech from the officer about the company’s policy followed by a whisper, “oga, make we settle now now.” Just pretend you’re capturing the moment on camera and you’re safe.
3. Trying to use the toilet without negotiation
Need to pee before your 12-hour flight? Get ready for negotiation. That uncle in green uniform guards the toilet gate like the gate of heaven. He will say, “my sister, these tissues are expensive now. Just appreciate us with any little thing.” Just prepare to use the airplane toilet twice or simply pee in advance and clench your soul till boarding time to avoid the toilet negotiation.
4. Don’t assume random search means random
No sir, it means you look like you’ve got too much money. If you’re wearing sneakers, perfumes or smile too much, congratulations, you’ve been selected for the VIP harassment package. They’ll unzip your bag, poke your pants, and ask irrelevant questions like: “Are you just visiting for the first time or you’ve got a partner you’re tracking?” Dress like a government official and act very formal and serious like a military officer—you’re safe.
5. Don’t give a straight answer to a customs officer’s trip question
They’ll say, “what’s inside this carton?” You say, “shoes.” They’ll say, “ah, you’re importing, pay duty.” You say, “not new.” They will quickly switch to Pidgin English and that’s the beginning of harassment ProMax. Whenever they ask, just sigh deeply and say, “it’s for church donation.” They’ll salute and let you pass. In Nigeria, no one fights the Lord’s work.
6. Thinking boarding time means anything
If your ticket says boarding at 7:00 PM, add extra 2 hours, one power outage, one immigration system failure and a spiritual delay for safety. Meanwhile, you’ll be roasted alive in the departure lounge where the AC is purely ceremonial. Come with a fan, power bank, bible, and patience. Also, with small cash, someone will try to help you process boarding faster—and such an angel needs appreciation.
At Lagos Airport, it’s not about aviation protocol, it’s about the intentional Nigerian style of getting things done whether difficult or not.