Forget what NASA told you. African astronauts have been boldly going where no one has gone before. While the world obsesses over SpaceX and Elon Musk, Africa has been quietly training her own elite cosmic warriors to take the world by storm. Here’s what you didn’t know:
1. They Don’t Need Spacesuits — Just Ancestral Protection
While Western astronauts wear millions of dollars’ worth of gear, African astronauts rely on what matters most: their grandmother’s prayers and a dash of anointing oil.
NASA calls it “unsafe.” We call it “ancestral WiFi.”
2. First African Moon Landing Was in a Dream
Before Neil Armstrong, there was Baba Olu, who claimed he landed on the moon during a trance at the village square in 1961.
Eyewitnesses say he came back with moon dust… or maybe it was just cassava flour.
3. Space Training Includes Learning to Dodge Family WhatsApp Calls
The real endurance test? Ignoring 56 missed calls from Auntie Ngozi asking, “So when will you be back from that your space thing?”
4. They Always Carry a Bag of Garri — Just in Case
Even astronauts get hungry. While others rely on freeze-dried meals, African astronauts carry garri and groundnut — universal survival food.
5. The Spaceship Has Bluetooth Speakers for Afrobeats
No mission is complete without Burna Boy or Angelique Kidjo blasting in zero gravity.
NASA was confused when the last launch had a DJ booth instead of a co-pilot.
6. They Left Space Because of Power Outage
The final straw. Just as they were docking with the International Space Station, darkness struck. Africa’s power problems are truly legendary.
The astronauts came home and swore to stick to Earth… at least until they can afford generators.
In Conclusion…
African astronauts may have not gotten the commendation they deserve for their bravery, but their achievements are truly incredible. They’ve managed to get NASA confused about the very strategies that make them unique.
They are open to showing the rest of the world the African space adventure….