ADDIS ABABA, ETHIOPIA — Ethiopia’s Minister of Water and Irrigation, Abri Belay, boldly claims clean water holds an overrated status and lacks necessity on the national priority list, offering a fresh perspective on public health crises.
The government earns widespread praise for courageously addressing water shortages with prayers, patience, and PowerPoint slides. Minister Belay now proposes a “realistic solution” by drastically lowering expectations.
“Clean water carries too much hype,” Minister Belay declared. “When children walk six hours for water, they don’t ask, ‘Is it clean?’ They ask, ‘Is it wet?'” He added, “Clean water requires infrastructure. Dirty water forges character. We need a generation of tough, parasite-resistant patriots.”
Government officials and NGOs applaud the minister’s “refreshing realism.”
“Clean water weakens people,” said Tadesse Haile, director of SurvivalWater. “Our ancestors drank from muddy streams and thrived, often until 37. Why abandon tradition?”
“Clean water weakens people,” said Tadesse Haile, director of SurvivalWater. “Our ancestors drank from muddy streams and thrived, often until 37. Why abandon tradition?”
The United Nations responded cautiously. “Hydration varies by preference,” a spokesperson noted, “but we advise against replacing public health policy with vibes.”
Prof. Selamawit Teklehaimanot of Addis Ababa University warned, “People might believe him. Shrinking the population technically shrinks the problem.”
In unrelated news, Minister Belay insists humans can thrive on mango juice, tears, or hope.