GLAND, SWITZERLAND — In a bold move to expand global conservation efforts, the International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) has added the Naira, Nigeria’s currency, to the World’s Endangered Species List.
“The Naira is at risk of going extinct,” said IUCN President Razan Khalifa Al Mubarak at the 113th council meeting. “Skyrocketing inflation is choking it out of existence. If we don’t act now, our children’s children may never know a currency called the Naira.”
President Bola Ahmed Tinubu welcomed the move. “The Naira is getting weaker every day. With IUCN’s efforts, we’ll be left with absolutely nothing to do to revive it — which is perfect.”
The IUCN, known for rescuing endangered animals — and animal-like currencies — confirmed that the Naira will be featured at the 2025 UN Currency Change Conference (COP30), where the world’s most endangered monetary species are spotlighted.
“We need the Naira to buy yam and garri without glaring at Nigerians in contempt,” said the IUCN chief. “At this rate? Tops five years. Then it’s extinct.”
Efforts to revive the currency have reportedly stalled due to sabotage. Sources say Nigerian officials prefer extinction — as it smooths the road to looting in dollars. “The faster it goes extinct, the better I can cash out,” said one official.
Like the Zimbabwean dollar before it, the Naira now joins an elite list of terminally ill currencies — flanked by the pangolin, the mountain gorilla, and the Malagasy ariary — all awaiting either resurrection or a very diplomatic burial.