BENIN — Voodoo priests from the Republic of Benin have unveiled a “Magical Algorithm for Financial Stability” requiring only three incantations and a monthly subscription fee.
“Financial stability doesn’t have to be difficult,” said Salama Ousmane, leader of the Benin League of Voodoo Priests. “It used to be about hard work and smart work, but that’s old news. This algorithm makes financial stability quick and effortless. You don’t need to work hard anymore, just know the three incantations and pay the monthly fee.”
Many young Africans battling poverty praise the move as a cheap, surefire way to bypass hard work and ignore government failures. South African Sandra Mokoena said, “Unemployment’s high here, and you’re telling me I can rise above poverty with three incantations? Here’s my credit card.”
Spiritual leaders warn this spreads dangerous get-rich-quick ideas. “Success without struggle is fantasy,” said Pastor Kofi Acheampong of Ghana. “Riches without suffering only bring more suffering. People should learn to suffer quietly rather than chase quick wealth that won’t last. It’s like swimming in the air, it just doesn’t work.”
Despite the hype, millions haven’t become millionaires, even after paying three months’ subscription. Asked when riches would come, the priest calmly replied, “When Jesus comes.”