PRETORIA, SOUTH AFRICA — The European Union has agreed to donate a €200 million fund in foreign aid to South Africa, this time bundled with a free, unsolicited lecture on “Proper Governance and Accountability.”
At a press conference in the Union Buildings, EU Foreign Affairs Chief Josep Borrell handed over the funds with a stern expression and a laminated PowerPoint presentation. Flanked by Ministers Mondli Gungubele and Lindiwe Zulu, Borrell announced, “Let’s be honest. This isn’t colonialism. We’re just hoping the money doesn’t completely vanish this time.”
Some officials were spotted furiously typing on WhatsApp, while Finance Minister Enoch Godongwana offered reassurance. “We’re not saying all the funds will be managed properly. But the corruption will be quiet, elegant, and highly professional.”
He added, “Many lives will be touched… mostly ours. The rest can keep praying for miracles while we test-drive them in new German SUVs.”
To help cover up any upcoming irregularities, a new Department of F-Aids Accountability has been launched. Its stated mission: to ensure stolen funds remain tastefully buried beneath layers of ‘capacity-building’ reports and vague development jargon.
Back in Brussels, Borrell was overheard telling aides, “Look, we know some money will disappear. We just hope it funds at least one working clinic — or a very impressive signboard.”