ABIDJAN, CÔTE D’IVOIRE — In a packed press conference in the Plateau district, opposition candidate Jean-Louis Billon unveiled his bold energy plan: solar panels on citizens’ foreheads to solve the country’s power crisis by 2026.
“Energy reform isn’t a joke, and it’s my grand plan to better this nation,” said Billon. “How better to implement that than by installing solar panels on every citizen’s forehead? When the sun is literally on your head, darkness can’t stand a chance. And if darkness can’t stand a chance, the nation grows.”
“A few million exploded heads is just a small price to pay for all the electricity a million more heads would generate. And think of all the money to be made from that.”
Many citizens applauded what they called a brave and slightly suicidal plan to end power cuts.
“If all our electricity worries can be laid to rest with just a little sun on our foreheads, why wouldn’t we vote for the man?” said Koumassi resident Yannick Gouin. “Yeah, I know installing solar on my head might blow my head off eventually, but I’ll use uninterrupted electricity while it lasts. I give the man my full support.”
Installing solar panels on foreheads might be risky, but many say it’s worth risking a few cranial combustions if it ends the outages.
Voters are promising their support in the upcoming election to a man “who knows the national problem and is willing to get his hands dirty — and a couple of heads blown off — to solve it.”
In unrelated news, President Alassane Ouattara is now offering voters mini wind turbines for their foreheads, claiming they’re safer than “explosion-prone” solar panels. “With solar panels, your head might blow off. With turbines, you actually start flying. Isn’t that fantastic?”