Heartbreak in Nigeria is a full-body experience. It starts in your chest, moves to your stomach, and ends up on WhatsApp Status.
And while your friends are sending you “It is well” and Bible verses, what you really need is food,
Because the stomach is the way to the heart.
And a happy stomach is a happy heart.
So here it is: a completely unserious yet spiritually accurate ranking of Nigerian foods based on their Heartbreak Healing Powers.
- BOLI
Boli is usually delicious, but that’s not where its real power lies.
The magic is in that moment right after you buy it, standing by the roadside, eyes watery.
You pretend it’s the smoke, but you know the truth: the tears are heartbreak, not heat.
Still, the smoke gives you the perfect excuse to cry in peace,
and sometimes, that’s all the healing you need.
- PUFF PUFF
Puff Puff is warm, soft, and deep-fried like your emotions.
So at least you can have something to relate to.
Not only that, but puff puff is good at soaking up things.
Oil, sugar, pain…
You can finally have something in your life that absorbs your pain instead of adding to it.
- AMALA AND GBEGIRI
This combo doesn’t just heal heartbreak, it erases the memory of the person entirely.
Amala and Gbegiri is the kind of love you thought you had with them, but real. It’s warm, soft, supportive, and always there when you need it.
Forget tall, dark and handsome.
Amala is solid, black and awesome.
- AKARA
When it comes to Akara, you have to be careful.
Because just like Tunde and Amaka, the Akara seller WILL disappoint you.
But if you can get past that, and you land a hot, crispy, well-spiced Akara? That first bite can make you forget your ex. Even if just for five minutes.
- FRIED PLANTAIN
Fried plantain is the complete opposite of your toxic ex.
Sweet; unlike the nonchalance they showed.
Hot; unlike how cold they were to you.
Soft; unlike the hardship they put you through.
Unless you’re the type of person that likes unripe plantain.
In that case, you probably deserve the heartbreak.
But that’s not all,
Unlike your wicked ex that was gallivanting with multiple people,
Plantain paired with other things is actually good for you:
It goes with rice, beans, egg, spaghetti, noodles..
Some lunatics even take it with garri.
With all these,
Fried plantain is not food, it’s therapy.
- JOLLOF RICE
Jollof is so powerful that it’s the major source of conflict between 3 nations.
And part of that power is just how accessible it is.
MTN stole the slogan “everywhere you go” from jollof, because jollof is quite literally everywhere.
Birthdays? Check
Naming ceremonies? Check
Burials? Check
Graduation parties? Check
Unlike that wicked ex,
Jollof is ALWAYS available.
Although I wouldn’t advise going to a wedding because it will just remind you of your failed relationship.
But other than that, eating one spoon of that smoky party jollof will move the heartbreak from your chest to your waist as you dance in joy experiencing the deliciousness.