ABUJA, NIGERIA — In a bold move to curb electoral malpractice, the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) has announced that future Nigerian governors will now be chosen through a National Spelling Bee instead of traditional voting during elections.
“We realized that vote rigging only happens when you’re actually voting,” said INEC Chairman Prof. Mahmood Yakubu. “With this new system, leadership will be based on phonics, not fraud, ensuring fairer elections.”
Candidates must now submit nomination forms and a 60-second video spelling the word governance without looking down. The Bee will be judged by retired primary school teachers and one American observer—”for accent accuracy in these elections.”
Many officials are panicking. “If I wanted to be spelling words under pressure, I’d have become a student, not a governor,” said Lagos State Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu before quietly Googling how many ‘C’s are in conscience, fearing the new elections process.
One gubernatorial hopeful complained, “I spent N450 million on posters and palm oil. Now I’m losing to someone who can spell infrastructure in these elections?”
Some party members are scrambling to hire tutors; others are begging for regional language exemptions. INEC, however, remains firm: “No lifelines. No acronyms. No shortcuts. This isn’t the National Acronym Bee, but a true test for elections.”
Since the announcement, candidates have ditched rallies for YouTube tutorials. “This is the fairest of all elections we’ve ever had,” said a hopeful from Benue. “If I lose, at least I spelled my best.”
International observers are taking notes. Sources say the U.S. is considering a pilot version of similar elections — “just to keep anyone who can’t spell budget out of Congress.”