LOME, TOGO — Following President Faure Gnassingbé’s recent rewrite of the constitution to let him rule indefinitely, protests have now been banned in Togo to protect the national tear gas supply.
Tear gas is considered a national resource in Togo, having served as an essential tool for keeping President Gnassingbé in power since 2005. But protesting youths are now threatening the supply by forcing police officers to deplete it on violent demonstrations.
Government spokesman Gilbert Bawara was unhappy about the development. “Our tear gas supply is running low because people won’t stop protesting,” he said. “The President just wants to rule forever, but they refuse to let him. Don’t they see the next person might be just as bad? We’d prefer to preserve our tear gas, so we advise protesters to calm down and bottle up their grievances. If they insist on protesting, we’ll have no choice but to use what’s left — and we’d really hate to do that, for the sake of national peace.”
The national tear gas supply has reached alarming lows. Experts warn there may soon be none left to use on protesters. “People need to stop protesting for their own good,” said Giroud Yannick, a researcher at Amnesty International. “Beating and arrests are bad enough, but if the tear gas runs out, what then? Import more? Absolutely not. It’s better if people stay quiet than force the government to restock.”
In unrelated news, police officers have been given live rounds rather than tear gas so that protesters will stop protesting against their own wishes, “even if they don’t really want to.”